I just posted something over at Straight From the Bottle. Something that I cannot stop thinking about. My city. This city. Archer's city. The city I defend and bash and love and hate and want to leave. The city that I came to be somebody. The place that has made me. Trained me. Fucked me. Broke my heart. Changed my life. Blessed me:
I am here. In Los Angeles. Where palm trees are carefully placed and planted and we are made to think they grow wild.
After I posted this, I thought maybe I should have posted it here. Because this is my personal blog and this is where everything started. And if it wasn't for this blog, I wouldn't be standing on the threshold of new opportunity. I wouldn't believe in stupid cliches and everything happens for a reason. I believe it now. That I was meant to move here. To quit college and write, even when everyone insisted it was the wrong decision. A bad decision.
.
Hollywood is not exactly the place people bring their families to settle down. And like everyone else who ended up here in this twisted Mecca of addiction and narcissism, I came here for a dream. I came here to drop out of film school and try to be somebody...
When I found out I was pregnant, I had a choice to make. Start a family or focus on my career. Then I decided I would do both. Or at least, try. Because I didn't want to give anything up. Because I was convinced I didn't have to. Because why should I? Because I was in love with Archer long before he had a name and a face and fingers. Because there was nothing that could stop me from doing what I wanted to do my whole life. Something I believed I could do.
And no, Los Angeles is no place to raise a family. But I don't know that anywhere really is. The world is far too big and life is far too short and there are monsters under the beds in every household.
The truth is, It all happened here. In Los Angeles. Where I moved because I had a dream. Because at eighteen, I thought that Los Angeles was for people like me. People who wanted to make something happen. People who's livelihood depended on it. People who worked all night and then went for days without sleep. Without fear. Delusional as all hell, but passionate.
We are HERE. And for now HERE is Los Angeles, and after seven years of working and loving and hating and trying and submitting and needing and doing and dreaming:
Something has happened. Because of Los Angeles. Because of Archer. Because of HERE. And so I remove my hat and quietly thank the palm trees. And the sign. And the Sunset Strip. And all of the things that have brought me here...
And to my knees.
GGC
