I wasn't always crippled. But after Saturday night's folding chair incident left me with a broken finger, missing fingernail and a what feels like a broken ass, I have been proven wrong.
Exhibit A: Crippled Three-finger Diaper ChangingMy right pointer finger sticks out like a sausage and keeps accidentally poking little poops. Like most babies, Archer likes to wiggle and turn during diaper changes so while holding him down I am now picking up his legs with my pinky and thumb.
Exhibit B: Crippled Bathing
Forget bathing myself. It took me three tries to get the kid into the tub with one arm and washing a child with one hand, while the other hand is elevated above the head is a lot harder than it sounds. Getting Archer out of the tub required my getting completely in the tub, crying out in frustration and scooping him up with the help of my non-crippled knee.
Exhibit C: Strolling/Dog walking.
Pushing stroller with left hand and holding both dog leashes with my middle finger and I swear I didn't mean to flip off all of my neighbors. Forget baby poop. Picking up dog shit with the drag-bag-with-non-crippled-thumb-technique takes several minutes and ultimate concentration.
Exhibit D: Everything Else
Typing on a computer while trying to entertain a very demanding little person, feeding, opening baby-food containers, picking up dozens of toys being thrown at all time and OH GOD I GIVE UP!
GGC
