I have been thinking a lot about you, all of you... Those of you who come here, comment here, have sites of your own that I frequent, new friends, and I want to say thank you for the joie de vivre dot com you have brought to my life since I started GGC (formerly CBH2.)It was always hard for me to keep a group of solid girlfriends and since highschool, only a handful of women have made it past the "party-friend" relationship. Most lady-people I know do not know me and vice versa. I was always friends with boys/men. My roommates were always dudes. Gay, straight, drunks, losers, exes, etc. I always felt more comfortable with men as my confidants, pals, BFFs. Guys were always less drama, they seemed happy to spill their guts, secrets, stories. I trusted men. There was never games,competition, backstabbing. In fact, all of the women I have befriended in my seven years living in Los Angeles I met through men.
I have always sort of resented women. The catty and the fake. The so-called feminist who in my opinion wasn't too different from the woman she was always at war with i.e.: "Don't look at my tits, you sexist bastard, even if I choose to wear a low-cut va-voom halter top with a push-up bra." The shit-talker. The cock-tease. The bitch. Somehow I gave in to the idea that women were monsters, perhaps because I was myself, insecure? Or maybe because I assumed most women were cruel to one another. Regardless, I never quite respected women, myself included, until I got pregnant and got to experience firsthand what it truly meant to be a woman, biologically woman.
It was pretty lonely going through pregnancy with no pregnant/mom friends and I turned to sites like babycenter for advice and kept mainly to myself. My dude friends pretty much fell out of my life, except for Uncle Frank, of course. I can't blame them really. Getting knocked up and pregnant is like kryptonite for a gal's guy-friendships.
Suddenly I found myself desperate for women. I wanted to talk about girl-stuff. Vaginas and boobs and maternity wear. I wanted to giggle with a gaggle of gal-pals. I wanted to French braid someone's hair and then do a switcheroo. I wanted to get my nails did.
I did quite a bit of soul-searching those nine long months. I made an effort to be more friendly with women of all ages and found to my surprise that I was shy, intimidated, afraid to take the relationship further than a brief chat.
Since Archer's birth I have mentioned my want/need for Mom friends but it isn't because I want to talk about poop and whether Bugaboo strollers are overrated... I really want to start over. I want to have relationships with women, honest relationships, good-old fashioned girl-talk and gossip and secret sharing.
Since starting this blog, I feel like I have fulfilled my need to surround myself with like-minded women. I feel close to many of you. I read what you write and nod my head. You have reached out to me and I am grateful. Truly. It means more to me than I can describe. You are more than "bloggy friends" I read. You are people that I want to know. You're like friends with benefits. Women with ideas and advice, warmth and some serious motherly lovin.
So this post is really a (lame attempt at a) thank you to all of you who have restored my love and respect for women and my pride in being one. You truly are mother-figures not only to your children but to your peers, specifically me. If I could kiss you, I would... But alas, the distance... So if you could just kiss yourself for me. Like that. Perfect.
Always,
GGC
